Heavy
I’m tired of carrying the weight of you…us
Holding onto nothing
No return on investment
And yet, the last tethers
Have hold on my heart
Unwilling to break
And I’m so tired
Of loving a ghost
Unsure of myself
The weight of guilt
And regret
Afraid of who I am
without you
It’s odd how the world can shatter
And still lay heavy on your shoulders
A press on the chest
Drowning
I need a life jacket
Something buoyant
To hold me up
I feel like a shadow
A means to an end
A purpose unfulfilled
Chewed and spit out
No resemblance to former self
I wanted more
Of me
Of you
Of us
But I couldn’t hold us together
And if I was the only one grasping
Was there anything there to begin with?
I needed to be a first choice
Not a consideration
And yet, the voice I most want to hear is yours
How can I still want to be part of someone
Who discarded me?
How can I long for someone
Who erased themself from our home
Who left so much of herself in the house?
Like she wants to remind me that she’s no longer here, but she’s there in everything g she left behind.
Rachael Collins
