By the Way, I Forgive You

 

You left me without warning

On a cold and dreary morning

Like a ghost passing in the hall

I could no longer feel you at all

For too long you held me back

Kept me off track

I know now

I had to lose you 

To find me

Because you kept the rage burning inside

And the self doubts churning in my mind

But the morning I laid you to rest

I declared I would no longer be second best

For too long I let you tear me down

In your words I would no longer drown

I had to lose you

To find me

Like a snake that sheds its skin

I have found me again

I had to let you go

The voice that controlled my show

In the end, my own worst enemy 

Ended up being me

I had to lose you 

To find me

But now I’m moving on

Writing lyrics to my own song

About scars and self hate

About letting go before it’s too late

But, by the way, I forgive you 

Because letting you go helped me find myself anew

Rachael Collins

Breaking the Chains

 

Breaking the chains

I’m letting it all go

Link by link

Nothing will hold me back

No more weight

No more excuses

I’m breaking free

Confidence is key

Everything else is fluff

That I use

To keep me down

I’m tired of

The view from down here

Trampled

Beneath your feet

So I’m changing

I’m busting out

No one can stop me

I don’t need 

The extra weight 

Of my baggage

Or yours

No more

Watch me soar

Rachael Collins

Break Free

 

What I am wondering tonight

Is if everything will be alright?

I’ve felt this pressure building for days

Of being stretched in so many ways

My heart won’t stop this pounding in my chest

Even when I sleep, I don’t really get any rest

The demons are always clawing at my back

I’m not sure if I can even stay on track

I know that I can’t please everyone

Will the dust settle when all’s said and done

I really need to feel some sort of inner peace

Not this torment that brings me to my knees

I’m standing alone amidst the crowd

I just wanted to make my mama proud

My breaths come fast and heavy

I’m trying to hold back the emotions like a levee

Until they all come spilling over

And the last thing I want is to remain sober.

Rachael Collins

Be Someone

 

If I had any words to offer you 

They would be to tell you to be someone

Be someone you can be proud of -- never hang your head in shame.

Be someone you can live with -- make choices you won’t regret.

Be someone you like -- if you can’t stand yourself, no one else will either.

Be someone you can face in the mirror -- Your reflection tells your real story.

Life isn’t made in the fame or the fortune. 

That’s simply worldly treasures that can break a man. 

It’s made in the trenches. 

It’s made in the victory of the battle not the winning. 

It’s made in standing strong when the waters swirl about you.

It’s made in the moments of quiet defiance,

and the resounding roar of the masses crying out for justice.

It doesn’t matter what you are, but it matters who you are -- 

So be someone

Be someone others can look up to

Be someone kind

Be someone forgiving

Be someone loving

Be someone remembered.

Rachael Collins

Battlefield

 

No sleep had come. 

The night had been long.

Two warriors had stood their ground.

Neither willing to give in.

Words had been spoken in the cover of night.

Truths bared for each other to see.

From which there would be no recovery.

Certain things can never be taken back.

But in the budding light of dawn.

A realization filled the room.

An ending had arrived.

Incomplete.

Messy.

Irreversible.

And like two thousand warriors

That had drawn their swords

For a war they would not win.

One warrior realized.

The need for surrender. 

The need to walk away

In order to save them both.

In the shadows of dawn.

You could see the figure retreat.

Neither side had won

Too  much of themselves been left

On the battlefield 

An ending with no real victory.

Rachael Collins

Baggage

 

I want to be better

But the same monsters rear their heads —

The self doubt

The jealousy

The uncertainty —

How do I bury them once and for all?

Let them go?

Tell them, “no!

I want to be better”

Because you deserve more

Than the demons on my back

The baggage I can’t seem

To leave behind.

Rachael Collins

Allow Me to Dream

 

I’m not fool enough to believe that a Utopian world would ever exist, 

but I do believe it’s possible to live in a world where I am able to feel safe -- 

A world where I feel safe from the hatred of others,

A world where my children don’t feel the need to defend me or my love for them.

I mean, if I was taught to love and accept everyone and have grown up only seeing love,

Why isn’t it possible for others to do the same?

Because, when I look out, I don’t see labels,

I see people who want to love and belong and be accepted.

People who work and try 

Who laugh and cry

Who hurt and feel joy

People who just want to be accepted for who they are -- 

Not what they are.

Allow me to dream that at some point in my life,

I won’t see the tears of sadness on others faces because someone was hateful to them

Allow me to dream that at some point in my life,

I don’t have to stop a young gentleman from throwing a wet paper towel at a girl as she passes by him in the hall.

Allow me to dream that at some point in my life,

I will never feel the shame when someone only sees my short hair and then tells, “sir, you’re going into the wrong bathroom.”

Allow me to dream that at some point in my life,

People won’t judge me by the clothes I wear, my lack of makeup, or the extra pounds I carry

Allow me to dream that at some point in my life,

People won’t judge me for the skin I’m in, but be willing to see the person inside.

Allow me to dream that at some point in my life,

Love really will be the only thing that matters -- not my name, not my color, not friends, and not the people that make up my family.

Rachael Collins

A World Without Heroes

 

I wondered what would happen when I hung up my cape,

I worried because there was no one else to take my place.

Now, I sit in my house high up on a hill

Shaking my head, because criminals are getting their fill.

People are afraid to leave their houses

Shut up inside like tiny little mouses,

While people like my arch enemy

Are getting away with anything without penalty.

Now, you have come running to my door,

Poured your hearts out, begging for more

Of me -- for you -- 

I hate to do this. It may seem rude...

But, here’s the thing, I’m done

I never received any gratitude -- none.

So, I decided to let you fight your own battles.

You take your turn, go on, jump in the saddle.

I’m sorry, is that bad guy too powerful?

You’re afraid. He’s being too cruel.

You guys never knew how good you had it.

You got too comfortable, too lax, I was just your habit.

So, I say, go ahead and try to live in a world without heroes,

Maybe I’ll be better in your eyes, not just a zero.

In the end, what you’ll find is that you’ll need me,

‘Cause I’m the only one that can keep your streets clean.

Rachael Collins

A Toast

 

Here’s to the shy one

The one who sits in the corner

Full of ideas and opinions and words

That never see the light of day

Fear of rejections keeps everything locked inside.

Here’s to the quiet one

The one beaten into submission

By an intolerant world hellbent on keeping her down

The one who believes she has nothing worth saying

Because she thinks differently.

Here’s to the voiceless one

Who is drowned out in all of the noise

Of too many people shouting just to be heard

The one who has lost herself in the chaos

Because she will never be loud enough.

Here’s to the one with tears

Streaming down her face

The one who’s heard one word too many

From those who think they know better

Telling her what to think and do

But never hearing the screams locked inside.

Here’s to all these voices

Silenced by the weight of all the words

They never dared to say

The ones crying in the night

Begging just to be heard.

Rachael Collins

A Great Weight

No matter what the world kept spinning

She felt beat down for there was never any winning

But everyday she arose from her slumber

To a sound above much like thunder

That reminded her today could finally be her day

The one that would let her throw her worries away

Because those responsibilities they just kept growing

But she kept at it without ever knowing

The true impact of her daily routines

Until one day she began to see

That every day while going about her business

Her world really was filled with richness

As she was making a difference in the lives of others

And it made her feel a little tougher

She began to lift her head a little higher

Took chances and walked that high wire

And every night she felt at peace when she’d rest

For a great weight had been lifted off her chest.

Rachael Collins 

Thunderstorms

The rain heavy

Thunder clashes

Darkness

My soul drowns

Comfort abandoned

Awaiting the cleanse

The promise of rebirth

A chance to start anew

Life washed away

Flashes of memories

Light the sky

A dream long forgotten

Hope for tomorrow 

A better day